Wednesday, 1 December 2010

THAT'S SCORN TOO FAR


All I did and she flipped her lid
was to pinch that other girl's bum
and it wasn't that bad but she went mad
when I said I fancied her mum.
She mustn't frown, please calm down
it was only a bit of a titter
when I said "Howdie" in the back of the Audi
to our regular baby sitter.
To damage the car is a stroke too far
and all the neighbours have seen us
and what on earth for did she get the chain saw
to cut off my wandering ......................

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

CHOPPER GIRL


It may sound flash
to be brash with the cash
but I'd rather travel by chopper.
She comes too
it's great for the view
just you try and stop her.
She must be daft
there's always a draught
the rotors spin and trick us
I don't know why
she's terribly shy
but she never bothers with .......................

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

THE BUTLER'S SON

Three Gilda's stand in their orchard at the centre of Carral

surrounded by the unfinished business of Spanish flats.

Gilda was the butler (and gardener too) at Maplesden

back in the day when Geno Washington had his Ram Jam Band.

Antonio and I as reckless youths went about in the grey mini pick-up

and tore through Sussex hedges.

We made silage and hay with grumpy Len

and sat in Mick's front cockpit

as the Tiger moth fell from its loop.

We drank pints at the Bridge and further a field

and plotted to get past Jeano (not Washington)

as she watched over those Stacey girls just playing with us.

Those were the days before

the times when the butler's son had perfect vision

and we both had healthy hearts and could walk, run anywhere we wanted

After the phone call and the flight to La Coruna

it was as though the years had done nothing to us what so ever

because we laughed and drank and slapped each other on the back

and Rose, beautiful Rose,

still called us "naughty boys" and wagged her finger at us because she can.

And we remembered to our hearts content

and dreamt a little of just what might have been.

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

TEN TEN TEN


Last Sunday was a date
with considerable fate
as all the tens lined up. It was their turn.

Nothing much occurred
the World remained unstirred
apart from birth and death and those that yearn.

At exactly ten past ten
my Sunday morning thing
with Captain Haddock and those Thompson twins

Put on that CD
had two cups of tea
got the phone. Had to 'cause it rings.

Jimmy tells his joke
he's quite a funny bloke.
It helps him overcome his awful stutter.

Freaky or what
or some conniving plot
I'm still not sure and does it really matter?

ten ten Tin Tin Ting Ting tea tea ring ring Jim Jim hee hee ten ten ten

Thursday, 30 September 2010

ROAD WORKS. NO IT DOESN'T.


What can one do

stuck in a queue

with just a hard shoulder to cry on.

The kids in the back

a pain in the neck

and your wife who roars like a lion.

The sign for road works

is written by jerks

cause here we all are simply stuck.

The truth on the sign

is all very fine

do you think they give a flying .............

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

FOREIGN PARTS


Imagine my dismay

when just the other day

I took my holiday shots

to Sandra who works in Boots.

She said if I could pay

they'd be ready that same day.

She ticked the box for matt

and that was what I got.

Quite whose mat's in the shot

doesn't bother me a lot

what really gets my bile

is I cannot see the Nile.

I shouldn't have any qualms

the photo has some palms

but I certainly can't show Grannie

my picture with a ...........................

HOODIE


The man in the hood knew that he should
but couldn't see for the looking.
He eats special K every day
because he doesn't like cooking.
He could never quite see what he wanted to be
or taste with the tip of his tongue.
You know he is there with that terrible stare
and the tune he has stared to hum.
Stuck in the crowd the pointed white shroud
hints at something beneath.
Beware of the words like food for the birds
who peck without any teeth.
Don't give up hope let's pray for the Pope
he's good and earns his shilling,
but which is mitre, the sword or the writer?
Both in God's name appear willing.