JAIL BIRD

What an awful to do,
Jake got a fuck off tattoo.
What he did for a bet
he'd never forget
if you saw it neither would you.

In the pub it was fine for a joke
the girl on the back of a bloke
but Jake did some bird
and the last thing we heard
he couldn't bend down for the soap.

HOW A GIRL'S BOTTOM CLENCH FORMED THE THEORY OF RELATIVITY.

Those Brooklyn barbers took too much off. They never listen. Albert Einstein rides the sub-way feeling grumpy. He stands like always. There're never any seats. There's a girl opposite and he looks at her but tries not to stare. She's just standing there, bolt upright, and when the train moves, lurches even, she doesn't seem to have any visible means of support. She just stays there planted to the spot. He marvels for a moment and then it dawns on him that the laws of physics are the same for all observers in uniform motion relative to one another. E equals mc squared he thinks to himself. Energy equals muscle control squared. That's it he thinks. His hair will grow back and he'll probably change his barber.

THE GIRL WHO WOULDN'T LET GO.

I met this girl and she wouldn't let go.
I said, "Relax and go with the flow."
She couldn't or wouldn't or just didn't care.
She got on the train and I guess she's still there.
She said she liked Poles but I am from Britain.
I'm sure she could see I was terribly smitten.
There was something about her, her absolute class
that and the thing she could do with her ...............